Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
