i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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