I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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