You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
