its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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