I'm drive I can fine osifer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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