No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
