I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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