When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
