I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
