HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
