Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
