did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
