So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i barfeds in our rink
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
