I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
