I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize