she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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