I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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