i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
