mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
