Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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