I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
