somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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