That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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