would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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