Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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