please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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