Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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