my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
