you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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