What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
