I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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