I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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