i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
