So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
