I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
