Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
