And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
