Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
