Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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