So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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