Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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