Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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