im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
