I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Randomize
