I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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