Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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