And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
