Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
