It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
