call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
