Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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