it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
