You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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