i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
