And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
