can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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