hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
