Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize