dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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