Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
