Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
