I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
