your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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