Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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