he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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