in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
