So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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