i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
